Nothing can describe how do I feel in the last 3 days. It worst than sad. I have to cry no matter what time it is, where it is, and how is the weather today. There are no excuse for stop crying. It just too much for me. There are plenty of things that I regret to do. On last Sunday I'm just choosing my own 'deathly day'. I do feel regret to start talking about 'that'. I think discussing it together will make our relationship better but I guess I'm wrong. I don't know what I've done but it seems like I give you the right time to break it up. It's suppose to be me to break it, depends on the case we discussed, but I don't know why you are the one who ended it.
It's over. We're done. How could I accept that? It's not an easy thing. It feels really hard, harder than I ever imagine. Start from the day we broke up I couldn't sleep well. I woke up every one or two hours. Feeling so weird. My heart is pumping really hard and then I cry again and again. I'm afraid to see tomorrow because tomorrow will be the day that I should spend without you.
How can we broke up? That day we just spend a day together. Watching you performed at AJ's birthday party and then we go to Seaworld. After that you have your hair cut, now you get a new hairstyle with 4 skin lines in your head. We also ate dinner together with your friend and daddy. That night in the car I just tell you that I was happy that day. I'm really am. Since our first broke up I'm starting to be more thankful for every second that I spend with you. I only have two weeks to doing that before I lose you (again).
On Monday I'm asking if I can go to your paper shop. You say that I can do it. That day I'm thinking to do what ever things I want to do, I want to spend (maybe) my last day to go there, my last time to see you, my last day to help you there, last day to meet your daddy. You realize something? We still act like a couple. I don't know am I suppose to be happy or sad because of that. I just hope you realize that and maybe change your mind. We still good being together, right?
Later that night together we go to Mitra Keluarga hospital because your daddy have an appointment with his doctor. I just hope your daddy will be okay and get well soon. I care about him just like I care about you because I also know how you really love him and I love you.
Please just tell him that it was my pleasure to know him and really thankful for everythig. He is really kind to me. He bought me clothes and almost everyday he treats me with delicious dinner :)
Tuesday I still feel really bad. After another hard night I keep texting you and sometimes call you. I really want you back. But you start to avoiding me. You told me to stop doing that or you will delete my bbm :( What can I do now? I asked my friend to come to my home. At least I'm not alone and I won't thinking about you ( I hope I won't). Then I go swimming to make my body tired and I can easily fall asleep at night. But I can't. I decided to call you that night, I'm so happy to heard your voice oh my why I suppose to lose you? Something that I know will make me really happy is the same with something that I suppose to let it go. Calling you was a nice and also bad thing. Knowing you went out with girl (without 's' it means just the two of them) that night made my heart start to pumping really hard. I want to cry but I can't let you hear it. So I say goodbye to you, end the phone, and here we go, another bucket of tears. Later, I decided something, it base in how I can't see you with another girls even you say she is your friend (you have a lot lot of girlfriend who are beauty, sexy, attractive, etc). I call you again telling you that I will delete your bbm from mine. Later when I think I'm ready I will re-add your bbm again. After doing that I have my sleeping pills again and thanks God I have a better sleep.
Today,,, what will happen today???
Seriously I'm afraid to know what will happen..
I woke up and I'm thinking about you ( I still produce some tears..)
But I keep telling my self, which everyone have told me before..
"Why am I crying for someone that hurt me? I don't even know if he ever thinking about me.."
My feeling for you is still the same like before.
All I need for know is YOU (you + having the same feeling with me)
Can I still hoping that?
Uuuh, no one can't give me the answer..
Well, I just wrote this post to feel better :)
Start with tears when typing this post but end with smile :) :)
By the way, sorry if I made a lot of mistake with my English.. I decided to wrote this in English because HE isn't really good in English too. So I hope He won't read this. I think he won't. He never opened my blog or tweet :D
I hope I will get over it soon :'(
